I recently had the experience of planning an entire weekend of dates with someone coming in from out of town. It was my first time of planning dates with someone I barely knew. I normally do not rob men of this role as it is what they do best, but this was a special situation. I am glad I had this opportunity as it really gave me much needed insight into what men must think and feel when planning dates.
From my perspective it can be brutal! Think about it, you are planning a date with someone you just met and you do not know anything about what they like or do not like. What if they hate a certain kind of food? What if their idea of fun is NOT what you plan? What if they are allergic to something and you pick that type of food? Men I have a new found respect for you!
I cheated somewhat or at least took the easy way out by mainly choosing my favorite places to eat and some of my favorite activities to do. I would not suggest you embrace that as fully as I did, but maybe use it as a fall back. I did incorporate in a couple of new places or activities. I also know normally you are planning one date at a time, not three for an entire weekend.
In general, women prefer to talk and be listened to and men prefer action and risk. Both always rate laughing as a must! Your date will be most successful if you can accomplish combining all three - talking, action and laughter! It is said that if you can do something that creates fear, excitement or adrenaline then you bond more and faster. I do not mean that you are to scare your date, but something that has a risk or danger factor can increase your connection.
What you can ask yourself when planning a date is, “if a stranger came to my town, what is the number one place I would recommend them to eat? and what is the one thing they had to do or see if they only had time for one activity?” This would be a great date.
These are all mainly dates for the “getting to know each other” stage of dating. I do not recommend movies, concerts, or any places where you would not be able to comfortably talk for initial dates. I do, however, recommend something that will make you stand out above the rest!
After experiencing this from the other side of the fence I wanted to put together a list of as many date ideas I could for all those marvelous men out there who take on this challenging part of dating! I have combined my list of date ideas with several others from on line or books I have read.
These are in no particular order, but I tried to categorize them:
FUN AND UNUSUAL:
Candy store or factory
Music store
Pet store
Photo shoot – buy 2 disposable cameras and go somewhere like a train yard, flower farm, zoo or another funky place and shoot pictures. Plan a time to get back together to go over the pictures. (Men you take the cameras and develop them. Unless you don’t want a 2nd date, let her take the camera she used and develop the pictures herself.) (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Scavenger hunt – have her go on a scavenger hunt. Give her a note that tells here where she needs to go first. Make it a fun place that she might like – like give her $20 in an envelope and tell her to go to a certain store and buy herself something small. Or send her to the flower shop to pick up some flowers that you have already paid for. When she gets to the first place have another note there for her that will lead her to another place. Give her about four places to go before she gets where you are. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Explore – go somewhere neither of you have gone before. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Teach – Teach your date something that you do really well. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Taste testing – pick one kind of food or drink that she loves, like a drink or dessert then go to four different restaurants and judge each one based on the quality and taste. Talk about the food you choose to judge, the special tastes, the way it’s served, the service. Make a night of being a food critic. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Q&A – get a book of questions and spend the evening over dinner asking each other weird stuff that you would never have thought of. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Theme Date – Find out what your date likes and build around that. If she loves Italy, make it an Italian night. Bring her Italian chocolate, take her to an Italian restaurant, buy an Italian CD to play in the car, and then rent an Italian movie with subtitles. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Vacation at Home (Staycation) – Never been a tourist in your own town? Well, give it a try. Go to the local visitor’s bureau or chamber of commerce and ask about touristy things to do in your area. The staff there can help you come up with all kinds of fun things to do. You can even decide to take a camera around with you and ask people to take pictures of you guys. Girls love memory-makers like photos. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Old folks home – talk to old people, find out about their pasts, help them out. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras.(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
With camera and pair of boots, make photo log of a day in the life of the invisible man. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Dress up as superheroes and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….” (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Dress to the nines, pretend to be married, and test drive very expensive vehicles at an auto dealership.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jacks. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
DIFFERENT DINNER IDEAS:
Dinner cruise – where available
Progressive dinner – each part of meal is done at a different restaurant
Go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you. (from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
(from http://everythingrandom.net/post/62493241/unusual-and-fun-date-ideas)
Backwards dinner – Have dinner backwards. Start with dessert and work your way back. (from The Dirt on Dating by Hayley DiMarco)
ACTIVE (from less adrenaline to more):
Zoo
Circus
Picnic in the park
Horseshoes, badminton, frisbee golf, croquet, bocce ball, washers pitching game, ladder ball
Miniature golf or real golf or indoor golf simulation place
Horseback riding
Bicycle ride
Bowling
Indoor batting cages
Driving range
Tennis
Roller skating
Paddle boating
Laser tag
Ice Skating
Racquetball
Hiking
Rock or wall climbing
Sledding, snowboarding or skiing
Target shooting
Haunted house or forest
Zip line, repelling, sky coaster, or bungee jumping
Amusement park
Paint ball
CLASSES:
Cooking class
Wine tasting class
Massage classes
Dance class
SPECTATOR:
Comedy Club
Melodrama
Museum or art gallery
College or professional basketball/football/hockey/soccer/baseball game
SPECTATOR WITH A LITTLE MORE RISK FACTOR:
Roller Derby
Nascar or other drag racing
Motor cross
Rodeo
Tough man contest
Boxing
----------
I hope that all of you who read this will add a few ideas of your own! Fellow daters help each other out! Every time I hear another good idea I will add it to this blog.
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating.
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
316-409-4431
P.S.
I also know a man who planned a very special birthday for his wife which I thought was the best EVER! He rented a limo. He had it pick her up and take her to different places that were very special locations with meaning to her life. At each stop there was a person they would pick up in the limo with a note about how she had met this person at this locale or about a special time they had at that place. For example they went to her high school and picked up her best friend, and then they went to the hospital where her daughter was born and picked up her daughter. I think they even went to the place where he and her met and picked him up…maybe that was the first stop. Anyway you get the gist….this is an idea for later in the relationship.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
O.S.D. = Opposite Sex Degree
Having a G.E.D. or High School Diploma will not do! An MBA or PH.D is a must!
Whether you are male or female, 19 or 55 years old, if you are not achieving success in dating you are going to have to go back to school!
If you are relying on family examples, advice from friends, past experiences and television as the sources of your knowledge regarding the opposite sex then you are at the Drop Out level of education. The more fulfilling you want your dating experiences to be the higher the level of education needed.
The level of knowledge you gain regarding the opposite sex is in direct proportion to the results you can expect. Start where you are and work your way through each level: Drop Out, G.E.D., High School Diploma, Associates, Bachelors, Masters and Doctoral.
Trade schools or certificate programs should only be used as Continuing Education Credits after a formal education.
You will use all of the same tools to obtain your O.S.D. as you would in a normal education setting: study, read, write, research, attend class, internship, etc. Those tools translated to options in the dating world are as follows:
- go on dates with all types of the opposite sex, soaking up all you can about their mannerisms, likes, dislikes, characteristics, habits, feelings, etc.
- read every book and article on the opposite sex;
- go to every workshop or seminar about the opposite sex or relationships;
- go to a therapist or dating coach;
- interview happy couples;
- keep a journal of what you learn; and
- do everything you can do to learn all you can about the opposite sex.
You will never "Graduate." Your O.S.D. will expire and no longer be valid unless you are always learning about the opposite sex. Your continued success, even once you are in a relationship or married, will require you to get Continuing Education Credits consistently.
Every man and woman who is single has the desire to be in a fulfilling relationship, but not everyone will do what it takes to learn all they can about the opposite sex to ensure success. Don't be a drop out get to studying!
Until next time…
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
P.S. Post a message on here each time you learn something you did not already know about the opposite sex.
Whether you are male or female, 19 or 55 years old, if you are not achieving success in dating you are going to have to go back to school!
If you are relying on family examples, advice from friends, past experiences and television as the sources of your knowledge regarding the opposite sex then you are at the Drop Out level of education. The more fulfilling you want your dating experiences to be the higher the level of education needed.
The level of knowledge you gain regarding the opposite sex is in direct proportion to the results you can expect. Start where you are and work your way through each level: Drop Out, G.E.D., High School Diploma, Associates, Bachelors, Masters and Doctoral.
Trade schools or certificate programs should only be used as Continuing Education Credits after a formal education.
You will use all of the same tools to obtain your O.S.D. as you would in a normal education setting: study, read, write, research, attend class, internship, etc. Those tools translated to options in the dating world are as follows:
- go on dates with all types of the opposite sex, soaking up all you can about their mannerisms, likes, dislikes, characteristics, habits, feelings, etc.
- read every book and article on the opposite sex;
- go to every workshop or seminar about the opposite sex or relationships;
- go to a therapist or dating coach;
- interview happy couples;
- keep a journal of what you learn; and
- do everything you can do to learn all you can about the opposite sex.
You will never "Graduate." Your O.S.D. will expire and no longer be valid unless you are always learning about the opposite sex. Your continued success, even once you are in a relationship or married, will require you to get Continuing Education Credits consistently.
Every man and woman who is single has the desire to be in a fulfilling relationship, but not everyone will do what it takes to learn all they can about the opposite sex to ensure success. Don't be a drop out get to studying!
Until next time…
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
P.S. Post a message on here each time you learn something you did not already know about the opposite sex.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Time In The Apartment
I stole the phrase "time in the apartment" from a friend of mine who is single after a marriage and divorce. Maybe theft is too harsh; after all, he gave me permission to use it. As my friend was explaining what he meant by “time in the apartment”, I realized he was talking about a very important key to future dating and relationship success after a break up or divorce. It also dawned on me that I must put in writing the what, why, how, where, who and when of "time in the apartment”, so as many people as possible can benefit from it!
What does “time in the apartment” mean?
"Time in the apartment” encompasses everything that you need to do for yourself after a breakup such as the following:
Being alone for an adequate amount of time before getting involved again;
Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually;
Healing from your last relationship;
Getting to know yourself, by discovering who you were and who you now want to be; and finally
Loving yourself.
It is likely after your relationship ended you have been broken down as far down you can go, and now “time in the apartment” is where the rebuilding begins.
What is “time in the apartment” NOT? It is NOT:
a time to consider or pursue any sort of romantic, short-term or long-term, relationship;
a time to call your old love interests and try to rekindle them; or
a time to prepare and post your profile and start perusing on-line.
It is simply a time to lick your wounds and prepare for the day you are ready to get back out there.
Why is “time in the apartment" imperative to your success in your next relationship?
It is the time and place where you will go through the grief cycle. Things you may grieve are your ex, your marriage or relationship, family, the past, the lost future, life as you knew it, life as you thought it was going to be, property you lost, money you lost, and hope you lost. If you skip it, the grief will rear its ugly head at a later, inappropriate time!
I am a big proponent of “time in the apartment”, because how you end a relationship and whether or not you walk away with baggage, are vital pieces to the success of your next relationship! “Time in the apartment” is how you accomplish those two things in the most effective way.
“The apartment” is likely to start out as a dark, dreary, depressing place! But if you stay there, sit with yourself, feel your feelings, experience your dire straits in full color. Have stinking thinking. Cry, get angry, have a damn pity party! Do it up right! Do not hold back! Reflect, blame, judge, reminisce. Tomorrow will be a better day! The sun will shine again! You will feel peace and even joy again! But until then get to doing whatever you need to do, to love yourself!
During your “time in the apartment”, you will likely move through it faster and heal better if you seek counseling or coaching, start an exercise program, start a new hobby or revive an old one, or seek self improvement in any fashion that is comfortable to you. Or better yet, the further out of your comfort zone you can get with new things (of course legally and morally) the more powerful it will be for you.
How much time does each person need “in the apartment?”
Each person’s amount of “time in the apartment“that they need will vary. For some it may only be six months, for others it can take as long as two or more years. One part of the equation is how long your relationship lasted. You will know you are ready because your steps will be lighter, no longer like walking in sand; your heart will be more joyful, no longer twisted in pain; and your life will be easier, no longer a complete train wreck.
There is a point where you must “move out” of the apartment and begin living again! If it seems like you are going father and father down in the dumps, things are getting bleaker and bleaker, and you do not see light at the end of the tunnel, you must seek professional help, whether it be a physician, therapist or pastor. Some people require help getting out of “the apartment” and that is perfectly fine!
One thing I have often heard from people is that some think “time in the apartment” is completed before the divorce is final, because their marriage was already dead so many of the last years...Sorry that does NOT count. You might have progressed through part of the process, but once the whole thing is truly final there is still more to complete!
Where is "time in the apartment" served?
Many people getting a divorce have owned a home and they either have to move out or sell it, so they temporarily get an actual apartment. Or they shared an apartment with their love interest and now have to get their own. Some find moving back in with their parents for a short period is the best option for them. Others have even stayed in a friend’s basement. The location of where you serve your “time” is not as critical as actually making sure you serve “the time.” Also important is what you do during your “time.” It is a time to be picking up the pieces financially, emotionally and physically, because every area of your life has been affected. Re-read the "Why" section.
Who needs to spend "time in the apartment" and when do they serve their time?
Everyone who just had a relationship end by a break up or divorce must do their “time in the apartment”. “Time” is to be served IMMEDIATELY after the break up and BEFORE entering into a new relationship.
I have stressed this important element to every coaching client I have ever had who is single after a breakup or divorce. Sometimes it falls on deaf ears and sometimes it is soaked up like a sponge. The deaf ear people are still not in successful, fulfilling relationships. The sponge people are at peace, happy and experiencing the joy relationships are meant to be. I have seen it over and over again where people skip doing their “time in the apartment” and rush right into the next relationship. Some are so desperate to not be alone they do what I call the "overlap" technique. They line up the next victim to be in a relationship with before ending the current one. What a recipe for disaster. Every person I know who has rushed into the next relationship or "overlapped" relationships ends up in a bad or unhealthy relationship that also does not last. Then the miserable cycle repeats itself.
Heed my words and set yourself up for success not failure!
Call to action:
If you are "in the apartment" now and you need encouragement and support, reply and I will email you.
If you have successfully served your "time in the apartment" post your insight for those who have yet to serve.
If you skipped your "time in the apartment", it is never too late. Take time to be completely by yourself without being in any type of romantic relationship whatsoever! You will be amazed at the results. You will thank me and yourself! So will your next love interest!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
P.S. The word time was used 38 times in this blog (40 now). What does that tell you?
What does “time in the apartment” mean?
"Time in the apartment” encompasses everything that you need to do for yourself after a breakup such as the following:
Being alone for an adequate amount of time before getting involved again;
Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually;
Healing from your last relationship;
Getting to know yourself, by discovering who you were and who you now want to be; and finally
Loving yourself.
It is likely after your relationship ended you have been broken down as far down you can go, and now “time in the apartment” is where the rebuilding begins.
What is “time in the apartment” NOT? It is NOT:
a time to consider or pursue any sort of romantic, short-term or long-term, relationship;
a time to call your old love interests and try to rekindle them; or
a time to prepare and post your profile and start perusing on-line.
It is simply a time to lick your wounds and prepare for the day you are ready to get back out there.
Why is “time in the apartment" imperative to your success in your next relationship?
It is the time and place where you will go through the grief cycle. Things you may grieve are your ex, your marriage or relationship, family, the past, the lost future, life as you knew it, life as you thought it was going to be, property you lost, money you lost, and hope you lost. If you skip it, the grief will rear its ugly head at a later, inappropriate time!
I am a big proponent of “time in the apartment”, because how you end a relationship and whether or not you walk away with baggage, are vital pieces to the success of your next relationship! “Time in the apartment” is how you accomplish those two things in the most effective way.
“The apartment” is likely to start out as a dark, dreary, depressing place! But if you stay there, sit with yourself, feel your feelings, experience your dire straits in full color. Have stinking thinking. Cry, get angry, have a damn pity party! Do it up right! Do not hold back! Reflect, blame, judge, reminisce. Tomorrow will be a better day! The sun will shine again! You will feel peace and even joy again! But until then get to doing whatever you need to do, to love yourself!
During your “time in the apartment”, you will likely move through it faster and heal better if you seek counseling or coaching, start an exercise program, start a new hobby or revive an old one, or seek self improvement in any fashion that is comfortable to you. Or better yet, the further out of your comfort zone you can get with new things (of course legally and morally) the more powerful it will be for you.
How much time does each person need “in the apartment?”
Each person’s amount of “time in the apartment“that they need will vary. For some it may only be six months, for others it can take as long as two or more years. One part of the equation is how long your relationship lasted. You will know you are ready because your steps will be lighter, no longer like walking in sand; your heart will be more joyful, no longer twisted in pain; and your life will be easier, no longer a complete train wreck.
There is a point where you must “move out” of the apartment and begin living again! If it seems like you are going father and father down in the dumps, things are getting bleaker and bleaker, and you do not see light at the end of the tunnel, you must seek professional help, whether it be a physician, therapist or pastor. Some people require help getting out of “the apartment” and that is perfectly fine!
One thing I have often heard from people is that some think “time in the apartment” is completed before the divorce is final, because their marriage was already dead so many of the last years...Sorry that does NOT count. You might have progressed through part of the process, but once the whole thing is truly final there is still more to complete!
Where is "time in the apartment" served?
Many people getting a divorce have owned a home and they either have to move out or sell it, so they temporarily get an actual apartment. Or they shared an apartment with their love interest and now have to get their own. Some find moving back in with their parents for a short period is the best option for them. Others have even stayed in a friend’s basement. The location of where you serve your “time” is not as critical as actually making sure you serve “the time.” Also important is what you do during your “time.” It is a time to be picking up the pieces financially, emotionally and physically, because every area of your life has been affected. Re-read the "Why" section.
Who needs to spend "time in the apartment" and when do they serve their time?
Everyone who just had a relationship end by a break up or divorce must do their “time in the apartment”. “Time” is to be served IMMEDIATELY after the break up and BEFORE entering into a new relationship.
I have stressed this important element to every coaching client I have ever had who is single after a breakup or divorce. Sometimes it falls on deaf ears and sometimes it is soaked up like a sponge. The deaf ear people are still not in successful, fulfilling relationships. The sponge people are at peace, happy and experiencing the joy relationships are meant to be. I have seen it over and over again where people skip doing their “time in the apartment” and rush right into the next relationship. Some are so desperate to not be alone they do what I call the "overlap" technique. They line up the next victim to be in a relationship with before ending the current one. What a recipe for disaster. Every person I know who has rushed into the next relationship or "overlapped" relationships ends up in a bad or unhealthy relationship that also does not last. Then the miserable cycle repeats itself.
Heed my words and set yourself up for success not failure!
Call to action:
If you are "in the apartment" now and you need encouragement and support, reply and I will email you.
If you have successfully served your "time in the apartment" post your insight for those who have yet to serve.
If you skipped your "time in the apartment", it is never too late. Take time to be completely by yourself without being in any type of romantic relationship whatsoever! You will be amazed at the results. You will thank me and yourself! So will your next love interest!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
P.S. The word time was used 38 times in this blog (40 now). What does that tell you?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Liar, Liar Pants on Fire!
LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!
Each and every reason that rolls off your tongue for you being single is either a lie or an excuse! I am normally not so blunt or cruel in my blogs, but it is going to be 2011 soon and I don’t want you to waste another year believing these things that are keeping you from being in the relationship of your dreams. Do you really want to spend another New Years Eve or another Valentines alone? No you really don’t!
I want you to have that special someone in your life that you miss when you are not with them, that you cannot imagine your life without, that you smile every time you think of them. Someone who gets you! Someone who you cannot wait to get home to and share the events of your day with. Someone who laughs at your jokes and you laugh at their sense of humor. Someone who you cannot keep your hands off of! Someone who knows you inside and out and loves you even more because of it. I want this for you and you want it too!
The lies or excuses that you must resolve to get rid for the year 2011 are as follows:
I am happy by myself.
I am content focusing on my career or education.
I don’t need anyone in my life.
I am better off without the added drama in my life.
The ones I like not like me and the ones that like me I don’t like!
I am not going to settle.
Maybe some people are just meant to be alone.
I do not know where to meet quality, available singles that I am attracted to.
I’m not ready.
I would rather be by myself than be in a bad relationship.
My life is so full I don’t think I have time for someone.
On-line dating is a joke or does not work.
There must be something wrong with me because I cannot find someone.
All of the good ones are taken.
I have to get my act together first.
I want to finish my degree first, I want to finish my house first, I want to get my finances in order first, I want to get my children raised first, and on and on and on. There is always going to be something that needs to be done…first…, but if you wait until they are all accomplished you will be dead and you will have died alone!
Each of you reading this desperately want to find that someone special to have a meaningful relationship with and if it were easy and there was zero chance of being hurt you would jump on it! Actually a lot of you keep ending up in dead end relationships, relationships of convenience, one night stands or other sexual encounters because you are lonely and want to be with someone! And bad! You say you are not going to settle and you believe if you are not committing or getting married you are not settling, but as long as you are seeing someone that is not compatible with you or who does not treat you as you deserve or who is not 100% emotionally and physically available then you ARE SETTLING! You are settling for less than, for a relationship of convenience not one of fulfillment, for unavailable people. And that is UNEXCEPTABLE FROM HERE ON OUT! And most importantly if you just remain alone and single and safe you are settling too! Settling for mediocrity!
Following is what you really mean when you say or think the above lies:
I don’t want to invest time, energy or money into finding someone because of laziness, doubt, low self esteem, fear of rejection, or fear of really finding someone wonderful (that is the ultimate fear of success).
I do not believe I can have it all.
I do not believe there is someone out there perfect for me.
I believe I will be rejected and hurt again.
I do not want to take risks.
I do not want to face change.
I am scared to death.
BOTH LISTS ARE ALL LIMITING DOUBTS, BELIEFS AND FEARS THAT ARE EXACTLY WHAT IS STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF FINDING AND HAVING THE LOVE AND INTIMACY YOU SO DEEPLY DESIRE!
Every time someone tells me they like being single I cringe because what they like is freedom and safety, but I know that deep down what they don’t like about being single far outweighs that! When you finally do connect with that person that you are meant to be with, that person that is perfect for you, then you will still have freedom and safety PLUS all the fantastic things that come with having someone to share your life with.
If you really were happy all by yourself and really did not want someone special in your life then why do you keep doing self defeating things like dating and sleeping with married people, losers or otherwise unavailable people? Or why do you sleep with someone the first time you meet them; or chase and harass someone who is not right for you or is not as equally interested in you as you are them? I’ll tell you why, because you really want love! You are just going about it all the wrong ways or at least all of the lies you are telling yourself are blocking you from having it!
I will give you this, a few folks, a low, low number, are meant to be here on earth by themselves their entire life….no wait I cannot lie to you……NOONE is meant to be here and spend their entire life alone. I promise I will not to lie to you if you can promise me that you will stop lying to yourself!
A therapist once said that if you keep your walls up and keep yourself safe then you tolerate more B.S., but if you let your walls down you can feel faster so you will know when things aren’t right or when you could get hurt and you can eliminate them faster rather than putting up with them. FREE yourself of those walls NOW!
Whether you are Christian or not, there is absolute truth in “Faith without works is dead” and it applies to you and your dating life! Praying and believing God to put that person in your life is a must, but at the same time He requires you to take action and do your part and that is not sitting at home wishing and dreaming and hoping! It is getting out there among singles, going on dates and taking risks and chances!
Now for 2011 I ask, no I demand, that you choose some of the following forward moving action steps that will get you out of your rut, out of your comfort zone, out of your box (as it relates to your romantic life that is):
• Go on 100 first dates. Not 99, not 10, not any other number but 100! (I am not hearing all the lies, doubts and excuses that just started popping into your mind!) Just do it however you can!
• Every time you see someone you are interested in approach them no matter what.
• Host a “Date My Friend” party. This is where everyone brings one single friend of the opposite sex to a party of all singles.
• Attend three speed dating events (maybe different age groups, or different locations or by different companies).
• Start you own Meetup for singles doing a hobby you enjoy.
• Hire a dating coach.
• Join a matching making service.
• Get professional help from a dating coach to help you write your on-line profile. DO NOT do this on your own, or with the help of your well-meaning friends.
• Get on at least one, but preferable all of the on-line dating services like Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com. BUT you must go out on a date with someone from on-line once a month at the very least. None of this sending emails for six months crap! Use caution when meeting strangers for the first time. Have a dating buddy who knows where you are going, who you are meeting and call after the date to let them know you are safe.
• Join a gym and go at least three times a week.
• Join a club of some hobby that interests you, i.e. photography, hiking, golf, dancing, public speaking, writing, cooking, wine tasting….anything, you name it, you go! If one does not exist you must create it!
• Ask every person you know to set you up with at least one single person they know. Even if they end up not being the one, you must get out there and date!
• Create a list of all the things you want to do on a date. Be very creative and innovative and then on your 100 or monthly dates do them! It is said that when you can do something that creates fear, excitement or adrenaline then you bond more and faster. (This does not mean scare them to death if they do not like being scared.)
• Do at least five things that are out of your norm in regards to dating. For example, go on a date with someone in another state, go on a date with someone of another race, go out on three dates in one day, go on a date to a place you neither have ever been, etc.)
• Write a list of all the lies you have been telling yourself about being single and then rewrite them into positive truths. Every time the old one creeps into your mind or comes out of your mouth say the new one 10 times. Do this until you only think and believe the new ones. An example would be:
Old lie= There are no quality, available singles who I am attracted to in my area.
New truth= There are quality, available singles who I am attracted to EVERYWHERE I GO!
• If you expect to meet someone that is athletic and in shape, or who dresses nice, or who is a strong Christian, or who is attractive, or who is well educated, or who has money, or any of your other deal breakers or preferences, you better be doing everything in your power to bring the equal side of that equation to the table! Pick the top one you desire in someone and for 2011 become that yourself. AND still pick another option on this list that has you going out on dates while you are working on this one!
• Read the following books (and yes ALL of them even if they are for females or males and you are the opposite read them!):
Mar and Venus on a Date – John Gray
He Is Just Not Into You- Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Date…or Soul Mate? - Neil Clark Warren, PH.D.
Dating for Dummies – Dr. Joy Browne
Easy Does It Dating Guide (for people in recovery) – Mary Faulkner
The Manual – Steve Santagati
Finding Mr. Right – Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Meg. J Rinck
The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman
Cracking the Communication Code –Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Fireproof – watch the movie!
Any reading or writing choices on this list cannot be your only choice, you must choose one of the other things that gets you out there actually meeting and dating other singles.
I expect you to email me and tell me the one or ones you are choosing to start with for 2011 and I will hold you accountable! That way you are not alone in this adventure! I will try to be gentle, but you can count on me to call you on your lies along the way!
The ones who are committed to making their dating life legendary in 2011 will do all of the bullet pointed actions steps! LOOK OUT!
This is a quote from a person I know from on-line that I love and that I am requesting you adopt:
“I am looking to find the person I am supposed to be with. I understand that finding relationships can be difficult and maintaining one can be even harder but we are put on this earth with a desire for love and I choose the task. “
It is after all just a choice, but as someone very wise recently said, “it is the 2nd most important choice you have to make in life!” Choose wisely!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating.www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
Each and every reason that rolls off your tongue for you being single is either a lie or an excuse! I am normally not so blunt or cruel in my blogs, but it is going to be 2011 soon and I don’t want you to waste another year believing these things that are keeping you from being in the relationship of your dreams. Do you really want to spend another New Years Eve or another Valentines alone? No you really don’t!
I want you to have that special someone in your life that you miss when you are not with them, that you cannot imagine your life without, that you smile every time you think of them. Someone who gets you! Someone who you cannot wait to get home to and share the events of your day with. Someone who laughs at your jokes and you laugh at their sense of humor. Someone who you cannot keep your hands off of! Someone who knows you inside and out and loves you even more because of it. I want this for you and you want it too!
The lies or excuses that you must resolve to get rid for the year 2011 are as follows:
I am happy by myself.
I am content focusing on my career or education.
I don’t need anyone in my life.
I am better off without the added drama in my life.
The ones I like not like me and the ones that like me I don’t like!
I am not going to settle.
Maybe some people are just meant to be alone.
I do not know where to meet quality, available singles that I am attracted to.
I’m not ready.
I would rather be by myself than be in a bad relationship.
My life is so full I don’t think I have time for someone.
On-line dating is a joke or does not work.
There must be something wrong with me because I cannot find someone.
All of the good ones are taken.
I have to get my act together first.
I want to finish my degree first, I want to finish my house first, I want to get my finances in order first, I want to get my children raised first, and on and on and on. There is always going to be something that needs to be done…first…, but if you wait until they are all accomplished you will be dead and you will have died alone!
Each of you reading this desperately want to find that someone special to have a meaningful relationship with and if it were easy and there was zero chance of being hurt you would jump on it! Actually a lot of you keep ending up in dead end relationships, relationships of convenience, one night stands or other sexual encounters because you are lonely and want to be with someone! And bad! You say you are not going to settle and you believe if you are not committing or getting married you are not settling, but as long as you are seeing someone that is not compatible with you or who does not treat you as you deserve or who is not 100% emotionally and physically available then you ARE SETTLING! You are settling for less than, for a relationship of convenience not one of fulfillment, for unavailable people. And that is UNEXCEPTABLE FROM HERE ON OUT! And most importantly if you just remain alone and single and safe you are settling too! Settling for mediocrity!
Following is what you really mean when you say or think the above lies:
I don’t want to invest time, energy or money into finding someone because of laziness, doubt, low self esteem, fear of rejection, or fear of really finding someone wonderful (that is the ultimate fear of success).
I do not believe I can have it all.
I do not believe there is someone out there perfect for me.
I believe I will be rejected and hurt again.
I do not want to take risks.
I do not want to face change.
I am scared to death.
BOTH LISTS ARE ALL LIMITING DOUBTS, BELIEFS AND FEARS THAT ARE EXACTLY WHAT IS STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF FINDING AND HAVING THE LOVE AND INTIMACY YOU SO DEEPLY DESIRE!
Every time someone tells me they like being single I cringe because what they like is freedom and safety, but I know that deep down what they don’t like about being single far outweighs that! When you finally do connect with that person that you are meant to be with, that person that is perfect for you, then you will still have freedom and safety PLUS all the fantastic things that come with having someone to share your life with.
If you really were happy all by yourself and really did not want someone special in your life then why do you keep doing self defeating things like dating and sleeping with married people, losers or otherwise unavailable people? Or why do you sleep with someone the first time you meet them; or chase and harass someone who is not right for you or is not as equally interested in you as you are them? I’ll tell you why, because you really want love! You are just going about it all the wrong ways or at least all of the lies you are telling yourself are blocking you from having it!
I will give you this, a few folks, a low, low number, are meant to be here on earth by themselves their entire life….no wait I cannot lie to you……NOONE is meant to be here and spend their entire life alone. I promise I will not to lie to you if you can promise me that you will stop lying to yourself!
A therapist once said that if you keep your walls up and keep yourself safe then you tolerate more B.S., but if you let your walls down you can feel faster so you will know when things aren’t right or when you could get hurt and you can eliminate them faster rather than putting up with them. FREE yourself of those walls NOW!
Whether you are Christian or not, there is absolute truth in “Faith without works is dead” and it applies to you and your dating life! Praying and believing God to put that person in your life is a must, but at the same time He requires you to take action and do your part and that is not sitting at home wishing and dreaming and hoping! It is getting out there among singles, going on dates and taking risks and chances!
Now for 2011 I ask, no I demand, that you choose some of the following forward moving action steps that will get you out of your rut, out of your comfort zone, out of your box (as it relates to your romantic life that is):
• Go on 100 first dates. Not 99, not 10, not any other number but 100! (I am not hearing all the lies, doubts and excuses that just started popping into your mind!) Just do it however you can!
• Every time you see someone you are interested in approach them no matter what.
• Host a “Date My Friend” party. This is where everyone brings one single friend of the opposite sex to a party of all singles.
• Attend three speed dating events (maybe different age groups, or different locations or by different companies).
• Start you own Meetup for singles doing a hobby you enjoy.
• Hire a dating coach.
• Join a matching making service.
• Get professional help from a dating coach to help you write your on-line profile. DO NOT do this on your own, or with the help of your well-meaning friends.
• Get on at least one, but preferable all of the on-line dating services like Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com. BUT you must go out on a date with someone from on-line once a month at the very least. None of this sending emails for six months crap! Use caution when meeting strangers for the first time. Have a dating buddy who knows where you are going, who you are meeting and call after the date to let them know you are safe.
• Join a gym and go at least three times a week.
• Join a club of some hobby that interests you, i.e. photography, hiking, golf, dancing, public speaking, writing, cooking, wine tasting….anything, you name it, you go! If one does not exist you must create it!
• Ask every person you know to set you up with at least one single person they know. Even if they end up not being the one, you must get out there and date!
• Create a list of all the things you want to do on a date. Be very creative and innovative and then on your 100 or monthly dates do them! It is said that when you can do something that creates fear, excitement or adrenaline then you bond more and faster. (This does not mean scare them to death if they do not like being scared.)
• Do at least five things that are out of your norm in regards to dating. For example, go on a date with someone in another state, go on a date with someone of another race, go out on three dates in one day, go on a date to a place you neither have ever been, etc.)
• Write a list of all the lies you have been telling yourself about being single and then rewrite them into positive truths. Every time the old one creeps into your mind or comes out of your mouth say the new one 10 times. Do this until you only think and believe the new ones. An example would be:
Old lie= There are no quality, available singles who I am attracted to in my area.
New truth= There are quality, available singles who I am attracted to EVERYWHERE I GO!
• If you expect to meet someone that is athletic and in shape, or who dresses nice, or who is a strong Christian, or who is attractive, or who is well educated, or who has money, or any of your other deal breakers or preferences, you better be doing everything in your power to bring the equal side of that equation to the table! Pick the top one you desire in someone and for 2011 become that yourself. AND still pick another option on this list that has you going out on dates while you are working on this one!
• Read the following books (and yes ALL of them even if they are for females or males and you are the opposite read them!):
Mar and Venus on a Date – John Gray
He Is Just Not Into You- Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Date…or Soul Mate? - Neil Clark Warren, PH.D.
Dating for Dummies – Dr. Joy Browne
Easy Does It Dating Guide (for people in recovery) – Mary Faulkner
The Manual – Steve Santagati
Finding Mr. Right – Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Meg. J Rinck
The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman
Cracking the Communication Code –Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Fireproof – watch the movie!
Any reading or writing choices on this list cannot be your only choice, you must choose one of the other things that gets you out there actually meeting and dating other singles.
I expect you to email me and tell me the one or ones you are choosing to start with for 2011 and I will hold you accountable! That way you are not alone in this adventure! I will try to be gentle, but you can count on me to call you on your lies along the way!
The ones who are committed to making their dating life legendary in 2011 will do all of the bullet pointed actions steps! LOOK OUT!
This is a quote from a person I know from on-line that I love and that I am requesting you adopt:
“I am looking to find the person I am supposed to be with. I understand that finding relationships can be difficult and maintaining one can be even harder but we are put on this earth with a desire for love and I choose the task. “
It is after all just a choice, but as someone very wise recently said, “it is the 2nd most important choice you have to make in life!” Choose wisely!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating.www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Are you spending another New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day alone?
To find out what can be done to change that, call or email me, Ronda Welsh, for either a complimentary coaching session via phone or information on my Group Coaching Program for Singles. (See the October 22, 2010 blog that explains in detail the Group Coaching Program for Singles. Although slots for the Group Coaching Program are no longer available for the start dates in November 2010 there will soon be new dates for January 2011.)
In the meantime, what is one thing you could do that would be stepping outside of your comfort zone in the area of dating? Is it signing up with an on-line dating service? Is it asking friends to set you up with someone? Is it asking that girl out or letting that guy know you are interested? Is it moving forward with a new relationship regardless of the fear you feel? Is it ending a dead-end relationship? Is it being by yourself for the first time in your life? Is it doing the sample session with me? Is it signing up for the Group Coaching Program for Singles?
It could be a step that is just dipping your toe into the water to test it out or it could be a step that is a dive off the cliff...you choose. BUT DO SOMETHING TODAY!
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Coach
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
316-409-4431
In the meantime, what is one thing you could do that would be stepping outside of your comfort zone in the area of dating? Is it signing up with an on-line dating service? Is it asking friends to set you up with someone? Is it asking that girl out or letting that guy know you are interested? Is it moving forward with a new relationship regardless of the fear you feel? Is it ending a dead-end relationship? Is it being by yourself for the first time in your life? Is it doing the sample session with me? Is it signing up for the Group Coaching Program for Singles?
It could be a step that is just dipping your toe into the water to test it out or it could be a step that is a dive off the cliff...you choose. BUT DO SOMETHING TODAY!
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Coach
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
316-409-4431
Friday, October 22, 2010
Group Coaching for Singles EVERYWHERE
Hi, it’s Ronda here.
If you are now in the relationship of your dreams disregard this. If you are going to be spending yet another holiday season single and alone, read on.
If you could wave a realistic magic wand and be in the relationship of your dreams six months to a year from now, visualize exactly what that would look and feel like for you.
If every other method you have tried has failed in finding the relationship of your dreams, the program I am about to explain is for you.
I am sending this offer to you because you have most likely had a complimentary coaching session with me about how to find that special someone. At the time of our session you were unable to hire me as your personal one-on-one dating coach. I am adamant about helping every unmarried person who has a desire to be in the relationship of their dreams, so I came up with a way to reach more singles quicker. (If you have not had a complimentary coaching session and would like to try that before you sign up for the group coaching then email me asap and I will set that up immediately.)
If today as you read this you are no closer to finding “the one” than you were when we last spoke, then the program I am about to describe is for you!
After coaching hundreds of singles I have come up with a group coaching program to make it easier for more singles like you to invest in. There’s just no way I can work with everyone one-on-one. Plus, not everyone can afford my current 1-to-1 coaching rates of $249 to $499 per month.
Following are the basic details of my new group coaching program:
• The sessions will be done live via telephone.
• The sessions will be done once a month or twice a month (depending on the group you choose.)
• The sessions will be an hour and a half long.
• The sessions will be $47 for the once a month group or $97 for the twice a month group (depending on the group you choose.)
• The sessions will be with 10-15 other singles.
Each call will be jammed full of my best ideas, strategies, tricks, and techniques for more successful dating.
Following are the more juicy details of my new group coaching program:
• You will receive information about dating from a dating coach >me
• You will receive a workbook each month to download and complete.
• You will receive input from other singles on the calls.
• You will receive encouragement and support.
• You will receive better dating methods, skills and tools.
• You will receive change and movement towards finding that special someone by being held accountable.
• You will receive access to me in between the group calls via email.
• You will receive an audio recording of each call so you can listen to them as many times as you need.
Each month you will have actions steps to take to move you towards the relationship of your dreams. You will be supported by me and the rest of the group to be sure you complete such steps.
Following is a brief description of what will be covered each month:
Month one:
We will work together so you are crystal clear on exactly who the ideal person is for you.
Month two:
We will work together so you become powerfully confident about the person you are and what you have to offer someone else.
Month three:
Together we will bust through all of the limiting beliefs, doubts and fears that are stopping you from being in the relationship of your dreams.
Month four:
We will work together so you have not just an equivalent of a high school diploma or a bachelor’s degree on everything there is to know about the opposite sex, but a Masters or Doctorate!
Month five:
Together we will determine what the “rules” of dating are and what methods of dating will best fit you. We will work together to create an on-line profile that will generate better results than what you have yielded up to now.
Month six:
We will work together to be able to deflect rejection so you do not create more baggage to carry to the next relationship. We will also work together until you master rejecting others in ways that do not leave residue that spills over into your future relationships.
Month seven:
Once we know who you are looking for, who you are, what is holding you back, all you can about the opposite sex, how you want to date, and the best ways to end relationships we will create specific, measurable goals and an action plan to achieve them.
You may choose to be dating the entire seven months we work together or you may choose to wait until you finish the program. Either way you will be on your way to finding that special someone and having the relationship of your dreams!
For faster results you will want to sign up for the package with two calls per month.
PRICING AND PACKAGES:
PREMIER GROUP COACHING PACKAGE:
$97 per month for twice a month group = $679
If normal price would be $2,614.50
If you pay for all seven months in advance the discount price is $630.
The calls for this group coaching package will take place from 6:30 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. CST the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of each month beginning November 9th.
BASIC GROUP COACHING PACKAGE:
$47 per month for once a month group = $329
If normal price would be $1,307.25
If pay for all seven months in advance the discount price is $280.
The calls for this group coaching package will take place from 6:00 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. CST the 2nd Thursday of each month beginning November 11th.
My 100% happiness guarantee applies to these group programs. So if after 30 days you are not completely happy and satisfied then you can get a complete refund and out of the commitment.
I am only launching two of these group sessions starting in November 2010. What a better way to spend the winter months than preparing for a summer of dating that special someone!
There are only 30 total spots available for the groups so sign up TODAY! BEFORE I EVEN GOT THIS POSTED I HAD TWO PEOPLE ALREADY SIGN UP, SO THERE ARE ONLY 28 SPOTS LEFT NOW.
HOW TO SIGN UP:
Step 1:
Email the following information to Ronda@resolveittogether.com to register:
• Your name;
• Your email;
• Your phone number;
• The city and state you are in;
• The package you are registering for (Premier or Basic); and
• Answer the following questions:
1. How long have you been single?
2. On a scale of zero to 10 how important is it for you to be in the relationship of your dreams?
3. What are the biggest dating challenges you face regularly?
4. What would you like most to accomplish through group coaching?
Step 2:
Go to www.resolveittogether.com
Click the Payment tab up in the right hand corner; and
Choose one of the four payment options and pay depending on the package you chose.
Step 3:
Watch for confirmation email that will confirm your registration and advise you of how to prepare for the first group coaching call!
I cannot wait to work with you and share in your joy as you experience more successful dating and move toward the relationship of your dreams!
Until our first call,
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Coach
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating!
www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
316-409-4431
P.S. While you are waiting for the group coaching to start there are some great tips and dating information on my blog: http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dating Tips #6 & #7
Dating Tip # 6
The woman lets the man know she is interested by flirting (see future tips) and the man always asks for the date.
Dating Tip # 7
Whoever asks for the date is the one who pays for the date (if the woman wants to offer to pay once in a while or cook dinner later into the relationship that is fine, but for the most part the man always pays). All of the dating tips I give are for “successful” dating. You may agree or disagree with them. You may choose to follow them or not. You will have more success in dating if you choose to follow the tips I give. Another point you need to know is that there are always exceptions to everything. But they are exactly that, exceptions, not the general rule of thumb that works the best overall. There are proven reasons why the man always asks for the date and always pays for the date. Here are the references and the information I gleaned from them that confirms this:
WHO PURSUES AND WHY (Dating Tip #6):
The Bible
Proverbs 18:22 (New International Version) - He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Mars and Venus on a Date – Dr. John Gray
“Men pursue and Women flirt. To create a necessary attraction to move a dating couple through the five stages of dating, men and women must maintain complementary roles. To create a relationship, a woman must be careful not to pursue a man but to be responsive to his pursuit.” http://home.marsvenus.com/
He’s Just Not That Into You – Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
“Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking.” “Just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.” “You are good enough to be asked out.”
http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X
Marriable (taking the desperate out of dating) – Hayley DiMarco and Michael DiMarco
“Men lose interest quicker when women call. And it’s in direct proportion to how much they call. Deep down, men know women want commitment – maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but the fact remains that more women want commitment than men, and probably sooner rather than later. So every time a women calls, she gives a ringing reminder that she’s desperate for commitment.” “And the plain and simple truth is, in the early stages of dating, men feel intimidated by women when she acts like a man, doing all the pursuing. But if he’s not calling, it’s less about intimidation and more about straight men not wanting to date men no matter how pretty they are.”
“At first a guy might like a woman calling all the time. He’ll be flattered. But the thrill of the chase ends prematurely and leaves a bad taste in his mouth when he’s the one being pursued. It’s like winning the game in the first move – it’s boring. Guys like the challenge. They like the game, so don’t let them win on the first play. It’s like you’re playing hide-and-seek and you’re afraid the guy isn’t going to find you, so you hide in the middle of the room. Ooh, what a rousing game that would be. Focus on the fact that you want to play hide-and-seek, not on just being found. Give the guy the time to enjoy the game.”
http://www.hungryplanetmedia.com/
The Manual – Steve Santagati
“by allowing us to pursue you, you are catering to our atavistic desire to hunt.” “the more work we do, the more invested we are.” “Men can’t handle aggressive women for several reasons” two of which are: • “They feel emasculated by women who seem more confident than they are; and • They like to feel they are pursuing or hunting you, and if you are too aggressive or available, it takes away from them.” “Overall, you want to be a little aggressive if that’s your nature, and then let him come to you. Don’t deny a man his desire to hunt you down. “ http://www.badboysfinishfirst.com/
Dating for Dummies – Dr. Joy Browne
“I bet even with God as the go-between, sooner or later Eve expected Adam to pony up and find the courage to ask if they could take a walk in Paradise.” http://www.dummies.com/store/product/Dating-For-Dummies-2nd-Edition.productCd-0471768707.html
WHO PAYS AND WHY (Dating Tip #7):
Dating for Dummies – Dr. Joy Browne
“You asked. You pay.” “What paying means:
• You’re investing in this relationship….no matter how briefly;
• You’re not cheap…..on any level; and
• You’ve got class and style…..”
http://www.dummies.com/store/product/Dating-For-Dummies-2nd-Edition.productCd-0471768707.html
Steve Santagati
“Latins not Dutch – Latins are lovers, not the Dutch, so don’t be cheap. Pay for the girl. If you’re the fem fatale on the date, offer to chip in and say thank you when he declines your offer.” http://www.sceneboston.com/2010/10/by-bad-boy-steve-santagati/
Marriable (taking the desperate out of dating) – Hayley DiMarco and Michael DiMarco
“The rule is, the one who asks, pays. And since you are the man and doing the asking, guess what? You’d better be prepared to pay. If you aren’t, a woman will complain about you to her friends for weeks. You will become the brunt of all jokes if you ask her to pay on the first or even the second date. Nothing screams whimp more than a man who won’t pay. In fact, if you ask her to pay or to go Dutch, then you might as well have started the date with the words, “ I only want to be friends” or “Dating me is going to be a drain on your purse, count on it. “ Because that’s what asking her to open up her wallet means.”
“The equality-seeking guy might not think that asking a woman to pay could make him look desperate, but oddly enough, it does. Compared to the “plan and pay man,” the “let’s go Dutch” boy paints a the picture that he obviously hasn’t had a lot of successful dates. The woman instinctually knows this, and though she might feel a bit of disgust for him, she also might temper that with a bit of pity. “
http://www.hungryplanetmedia.com/
Greg Behrendt
“First date dos and don'ts - "It's Just A First Date prescribes that you play to win," says Greg Follow these first date dos and don'ts: 4) Let him pay” http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/1431156/We-give-a-sneak-preview-of-Greg-Behrendts-new-dating-book-with-tips-on-first-dates-and-relationships.html
Dr. John Gray and Victoria Michaels Rogers (Ms. Rogers is author of The Automatic 2nd Date):
“You are his guest, he will pay (unless you asked him out then it is not really a date anyway). By paying for your meal, your man feels good about himself by being a provider and protector. It makes him feel needed. Do not take that away from him, especially on the ever-so-crucial first and second dates. Dr. John Gray puts it this way, “When a man receives the message that she does not trust him to fulfill her needs, he feels immediately rejected and is turned off.” Refusing to allow a man to pay for you is not simply being polite or considerate; rather it’s revealing a mistrust of your man’s ability to pay for you tonight or ever.”
http://home.marsvenus.com/
http://www.mantokeep.com/
Whether you take it from me or one of the afore-mentioned experts, I hope you get the gist of why the man asks and pays. If nothing else instead of continuing to do what you have always done and get what you have always gotten, test the theory out to see if you get different results. The main result will be both the man and the woman feeling better about themselves. How can you lose if that is the case!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating.
http://www.resolveittogether.com/
ronda@resolveittogether.com
http://daterightnow.blogspot.com/
316-409-4431
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