LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!
Each and every reason that rolls off your tongue for you being single is either a lie or an excuse! I am normally not so blunt or cruel in my blogs, but it is going to be 2011 soon and I don’t want you to waste another year believing these things that are keeping you from being in the relationship of your dreams. Do you really want to spend another New Years Eve or another Valentines alone? No you really don’t!
I want you to have that special someone in your life that you miss when you are not with them, that you cannot imagine your life without, that you smile every time you think of them. Someone who gets you! Someone who you cannot wait to get home to and share the events of your day with. Someone who laughs at your jokes and you laugh at their sense of humor. Someone who you cannot keep your hands off of! Someone who knows you inside and out and loves you even more because of it. I want this for you and you want it too!
The lies or excuses that you must resolve to get rid for the year 2011 are as follows:
I am happy by myself.
I am content focusing on my career or education.
I don’t need anyone in my life.
I am better off without the added drama in my life.
The ones I like not like me and the ones that like me I don’t like!
I am not going to settle.
Maybe some people are just meant to be alone.
I do not know where to meet quality, available singles that I am attracted to.
I’m not ready.
I would rather be by myself than be in a bad relationship.
My life is so full I don’t think I have time for someone.
On-line dating is a joke or does not work.
There must be something wrong with me because I cannot find someone.
All of the good ones are taken.
I have to get my act together first.
I want to finish my degree first, I want to finish my house first, I want to get my finances in order first, I want to get my children raised first, and on and on and on. There is always going to be something that needs to be done…first…, but if you wait until they are all accomplished you will be dead and you will have died alone!
Each of you reading this desperately want to find that someone special to have a meaningful relationship with and if it were easy and there was zero chance of being hurt you would jump on it! Actually a lot of you keep ending up in dead end relationships, relationships of convenience, one night stands or other sexual encounters because you are lonely and want to be with someone! And bad! You say you are not going to settle and you believe if you are not committing or getting married you are not settling, but as long as you are seeing someone that is not compatible with you or who does not treat you as you deserve or who is not 100% emotionally and physically available then you ARE SETTLING! You are settling for less than, for a relationship of convenience not one of fulfillment, for unavailable people. And that is UNEXCEPTABLE FROM HERE ON OUT! And most importantly if you just remain alone and single and safe you are settling too! Settling for mediocrity!
Following is what you really mean when you say or think the above lies:
I don’t want to invest time, energy or money into finding someone because of laziness, doubt, low self esteem, fear of rejection, or fear of really finding someone wonderful (that is the ultimate fear of success).
I do not believe I can have it all.
I do not believe there is someone out there perfect for me.
I believe I will be rejected and hurt again.
I do not want to take risks.
I do not want to face change.
I am scared to death.
BOTH LISTS ARE ALL LIMITING DOUBTS, BELIEFS AND FEARS THAT ARE EXACTLY WHAT IS STANDING IN YOUR WAY OF FINDING AND HAVING THE LOVE AND INTIMACY YOU SO DEEPLY DESIRE!
Every time someone tells me they like being single I cringe because what they like is freedom and safety, but I know that deep down what they don’t like about being single far outweighs that! When you finally do connect with that person that you are meant to be with, that person that is perfect for you, then you will still have freedom and safety PLUS all the fantastic things that come with having someone to share your life with.
If you really were happy all by yourself and really did not want someone special in your life then why do you keep doing self defeating things like dating and sleeping with married people, losers or otherwise unavailable people? Or why do you sleep with someone the first time you meet them; or chase and harass someone who is not right for you or is not as equally interested in you as you are them? I’ll tell you why, because you really want love! You are just going about it all the wrong ways or at least all of the lies you are telling yourself are blocking you from having it!
I will give you this, a few folks, a low, low number, are meant to be here on earth by themselves their entire life….no wait I cannot lie to you……NOONE is meant to be here and spend their entire life alone. I promise I will not to lie to you if you can promise me that you will stop lying to yourself!
A therapist once said that if you keep your walls up and keep yourself safe then you tolerate more B.S., but if you let your walls down you can feel faster so you will know when things aren’t right or when you could get hurt and you can eliminate them faster rather than putting up with them. FREE yourself of those walls NOW!
Whether you are Christian or not, there is absolute truth in “Faith without works is dead” and it applies to you and your dating life! Praying and believing God to put that person in your life is a must, but at the same time He requires you to take action and do your part and that is not sitting at home wishing and dreaming and hoping! It is getting out there among singles, going on dates and taking risks and chances!
Now for 2011 I ask, no I demand, that you choose some of the following forward moving action steps that will get you out of your rut, out of your comfort zone, out of your box (as it relates to your romantic life that is):
• Go on 100 first dates. Not 99, not 10, not any other number but 100! (I am not hearing all the lies, doubts and excuses that just started popping into your mind!) Just do it however you can!
• Every time you see someone you are interested in approach them no matter what.
• Host a “Date My Friend” party. This is where everyone brings one single friend of the opposite sex to a party of all singles.
• Attend three speed dating events (maybe different age groups, or different locations or by different companies).
• Start you own Meetup for singles doing a hobby you enjoy.
• Hire a dating coach.
• Join a matching making service.
• Get professional help from a dating coach to help you write your on-line profile. DO NOT do this on your own, or with the help of your well-meaning friends.
• Get on at least one, but preferable all of the on-line dating services like Match.com, Eharmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com. BUT you must go out on a date with someone from on-line once a month at the very least. None of this sending emails for six months crap! Use caution when meeting strangers for the first time. Have a dating buddy who knows where you are going, who you are meeting and call after the date to let them know you are safe.
• Join a gym and go at least three times a week.
• Join a club of some hobby that interests you, i.e. photography, hiking, golf, dancing, public speaking, writing, cooking, wine tasting….anything, you name it, you go! If one does not exist you must create it!
• Ask every person you know to set you up with at least one single person they know. Even if they end up not being the one, you must get out there and date!
• Create a list of all the things you want to do on a date. Be very creative and innovative and then on your 100 or monthly dates do them! It is said that when you can do something that creates fear, excitement or adrenaline then you bond more and faster. (This does not mean scare them to death if they do not like being scared.)
• Do at least five things that are out of your norm in regards to dating. For example, go on a date with someone in another state, go on a date with someone of another race, go out on three dates in one day, go on a date to a place you neither have ever been, etc.)
• Write a list of all the lies you have been telling yourself about being single and then rewrite them into positive truths. Every time the old one creeps into your mind or comes out of your mouth say the new one 10 times. Do this until you only think and believe the new ones. An example would be:
Old lie= There are no quality, available singles who I am attracted to in my area.
New truth= There are quality, available singles who I am attracted to EVERYWHERE I GO!
• If you expect to meet someone that is athletic and in shape, or who dresses nice, or who is a strong Christian, or who is attractive, or who is well educated, or who has money, or any of your other deal breakers or preferences, you better be doing everything in your power to bring the equal side of that equation to the table! Pick the top one you desire in someone and for 2011 become that yourself. AND still pick another option on this list that has you going out on dates while you are working on this one!
• Read the following books (and yes ALL of them even if they are for females or males and you are the opposite read them!):
Mar and Venus on a Date – John Gray
He Is Just Not Into You- Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Date…or Soul Mate? - Neil Clark Warren, PH.D.
Dating for Dummies – Dr. Joy Browne
Easy Does It Dating Guide (for people in recovery) – Mary Faulkner
The Manual – Steve Santagati
Finding Mr. Right – Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Meg. J Rinck
The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman
Cracking the Communication Code –Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Fireproof – watch the movie!
Any reading or writing choices on this list cannot be your only choice, you must choose one of the other things that gets you out there actually meeting and dating other singles.
I expect you to email me and tell me the one or ones you are choosing to start with for 2011 and I will hold you accountable! That way you are not alone in this adventure! I will try to be gentle, but you can count on me to call you on your lies along the way!
The ones who are committed to making their dating life legendary in 2011 will do all of the bullet pointed actions steps! LOOK OUT!
This is a quote from a person I know from on-line that I love and that I am requesting you adopt:
“I am looking to find the person I am supposed to be with. I understand that finding relationships can be difficult and maintaining one can be even harder but we are put on this earth with a desire for love and I choose the task. “
It is after all just a choice, but as someone very wise recently said, “it is the 2nd most important choice you have to make in life!” Choose wisely!
Until next time…..
Happy Dating,
Ronda Welsh, Your Dating Strategist
Helping singles remove the doubt from dating.www.resolveittogether.com
ronda@resolveittogether.com
316-409-4431
